I SHOULD HAVE BURNT MORE CARS

2024 – Ongoing

I Should Have Burnt More Cars is a narrative documentary project through which I explore the internal world of living with late-diagnosed autism, drawing from my own lived experience. The name is a quotation from a research paper that documents the realities of women and femme-presenting people who have grown up with autism without the proper diagnosis or support, and the vulnerability this entails.

Research has found profoundly elevated risks of suicide and sexual violence among autistic women and other autistic people who reach adulthood without adequate recognition or support. What it means to be diagnosed late is therefore not an abstract question.

In a world where I have been hurt without a means to express what was happening, changed and formed without the knowledge of what was asked of me, and amid the bright and challenging murmurs of synesthesia, pattern recognition, and special interests (photography, music, narrative composition), this project opens a door, albeit a small one, into that experience.

Developed as part of the Polaroid x Magnum competition Real Life Is Not Black and White, the initial work was created under the mentorship of Enri Canaj, Jim Goldberg, and Newsha Tavakolian, with support from the Magnum and Polaroid teams. The project was exhibited at Paris Photo 2024 as part of the Magnum x Polaroid presentation Real Life Is Not Black and White.